Tuesday, June 15, 2010

An award? for ME...?!

I've just come from my friend Spyder's blog, where I was surprised to learn I've won yet another award! One of the requirements when accepting this well-deserved award, is that you must tell six or seven absolutely truthful lies about yourself! But my life is so fabulous it's hard to believe this is all true!

As always, I will keep my speech short and succinct, because I never ramble on. I need to thank my agent, Uncle Vinnie, and all of my minions without whom I couldn't figure out which side of the glass to drink from. I do however need a new pool boy...apps are taken (in the buff please) at the Times Square ticket office. Just ask for my favorite assistant 'Sabrina' - He REALLY knows how to pick 'em!

I considered refusing this award like my godfather Marlon Brando did, but I like these kind of shiny things because they reflect the visage of SI Cover Model of the Year (might I add - I've been at the top for the 9th year straight!). J-Lo and Beyonce have nothing on this Bootylicious bottom! I don't think they're ready for this jelly...!

With my considerable acting chops, I'm currently starring on Broadway in the musical Chicago! Just in case you don't recognize me behind the heavy make-up - I play 'Roxie' and I'm the one in the black bustier and fishnets. Be sure when you come to the show that you stand up and put down the popcorn you smuggled in and say "HEY!"

It's been pretty much the same old thing for me lately. I turned down Wills AGAIN - I'm an American, doesn't he realize I can't be his princess? I also showed Usher some more new dance moves (That boy would be nowhere without me!). But now I'm sitting here in the VIP section on using my Blackberry and ignoring P. Diddy who wants me to cut a new album with him.

In conclusion, I'd like to thank my personal shoe shopper, Manolo Blahnik, as well as my Italian friends -Armani, Versace, Gucci and Prada for outfitting me - gratis. A big shout out to Starbucks for the free java, Amedei Porcelana for the chocolates, and Dom Perignon for stocking my cellar. And this bill for my 'alleged plastic surgery' - is being forwarded to my lawyer - Johnny Cochran -who has said "if the nose ain't broke, the bills a joke!"

I hope the recipients of this award, enjoy it & share the glory!

1 comment:

  1. Too funny Scrappy....I love the line "if the nose ain't broke, the bills a joke" I will be laughing throughout the day over that one. :)